This was the first Black portrait I had ever painted and it was such a sacred experience. It was Easter season in 2015. I had just finished a concert singing with an enormous group of singers and an orchestra that performed a beautiful Hebrew score about oppression and genocide. Singing through tears I tried to compose myself as I felt the spirits of the oppressed singing with us, testifying in song of the lamentations of those who had ached, bled, died, mourning loss, of children lost and a generation erased but redeemed. I went home and began painting angels. I wanted to reverence those on the other side of this mortality while painting her. As she revealed herself in while I painted, she had beauty, tenderness, so much sorrow, and even more strength. I've been so proud of this movement and this moment in time where advocating and fighting for a particular love (the kind that ACTS when injustice is wreaking havoc on lives) is taking force. I want to continue to be part of that force for change, to be an ally in turning over the new leaf of looking deeper (even into the smallest biases). One facet of how I'd like to contribute is to share sources for BIPOC businesses, and especially artists/creative work. I've also been contemplating for a long time the sensitive matter of diversifying my own work while being careful not to appropriate culture that is not mine. My hope is that I can paint the reality of the matter of human existence and our experience with the divine, which in my opinion is not limited to white bodies or white versions of divinity. I've been emboldened in this realization lately and even more so in these past few weeks and so you can expect to see more inclusion in representations here. I also would love to know what my friends of color here would like to see or discuss in terms of representation in art. I'm still searching for more on these types of discussion 🖤🖤🖤 #BLM #blacklivesmatter #blackartmatters #blackportrait

My new love from @vintaushop ☺️☺️☺️😍😍😍 Isn't she dreamy?! Sandra, the owner of #Vintaushop is the most lovely, generous, and inspired curator of all things gem & mineral and I literally want every item she's ever posted in her shop🙀😻 We met at the @beehivebazaar in 2015 and did an art swap then when I was pregnant with William. We decided to do this art swap when I was pregnant with Rosy so I chose something with pink rose hue to it. William's looks like the sea. I'll have to post it here when I get the chance to unpack my box of wall hangings finally 😆

I really want to sculpt this next for my climbing rose to ascend 🤍 wouldn't that be a dream? I've been soaking up a crash course in gardening from every source I can get my hands on while in quarantine. Tonight I finished binge watching #thebigflowerfight and it's the perfect marriage of art & flowers = heaven☺️ There's a contestant creates an anxiety monster erupting from the earth completely made of flowers. It was really beautiful to witness so many people embracing and supporting his manifestation of mental health. It reminded me of a dark moment that was a turning point for me in my life & career as an artist. Assigned to paint figures for our end of year paintings, I chose to paint about my anxiety. I created works that were very vulnerable and my professor tore into it, finishing with "Do you even like yourself?" I can still hear it ringing in my mind, piercing through all of my past clouded trauma, bringing to light the truth of the culmination of all the years of shame that had ever accumulated into the anxiety monster I had lived with for so long. And in that moment I did not hesitate, for the first time in my life the blantancy of hostility allowed me to see, "No I don't." I said defiently. It was a wake up call to me. I had never realized that I hadn't until then. For as long as I could remember I had been fighting for confidence while allowing the monster to sit on top of me as I told myself I was fine. To finally see that I hadn't been loving myself and that I hadn't been discrediting those who would hurt me, instead cowtowing to anyone who would ask me to be better, be this or that or anything other than I was. To finally embark on beginning to believe they were not in charge of or taking care for me, was the first step to empowering me. Yes it was humiliating and it took time to fully understand and digest what had happened that it took a year of not painting at all and of course so much healing in other ways too, but it was just another step in recovery from trauma & the shame that lurks behind it. I've been fortunate to be a continual learner of healing and can attest that it is a continual journey, piece by piece ascending upward,🤍🌹#hope

Let me know if you're in need of a mother's day painting. Large or small... Anything from 2 inch x 4inch to 4 feet x 4 feet 🤍

Roslyn's first Easter🤍 She's such a dream. She's vibrant like her brother. But her personality is unique. She's sweet too but she gets what she wants by taking things into her own hands. If you've left her for a half second or turned to talk to someone and she wants a spoonful of whatever you were feeding her etc., You will turn back to find her happily eating it spoon in mouth all by herself. No complaints, just gets it done. She's an enigma. Temperate, calm and sweet, super quick to laugh and smile at everything as well as strong willed and a bit feisty when she has her mind set on something. She's easy going unless something really tips the boat and then it's like the Earth has shattered and her broken hearted sweet melancholy cry will tear at your heart strings like none else! And you just think something so sweet should never have to endure such ache. I think that must have been how the Lord felt about Christ suffering for us. That ache of love. Happy Easter little girl. Happy Easter everyone! 🤍 #HearHim

How are you doing? You know when the sky looks calm but kind of green and you get the sense something ominous is brewing? Someone described the world as being in a state of holding it's breath and i keep thinking of that each time I go outside and look out and find everything so quiet, so few cars and the wind being the only thing causing a stir. I have really apocalyptic dreams, like really apocalyptic...often. I have anxiety so this is just normal. (And actually my husband gets really jealous of my dreams because they all sound a lot like all of the best guy movies that I can't stand🙈) The odd thing right now though is how waking life feels so familiar to the eerie slow energy of my dreamscapes. The stark difference though is that real life always has hope and comfort. Christ has already suffered all pain for us and He did it alone. It's moments of pain & loneliness that we get a tiny taste of what he experienced in the garden of Gethsemane. This small sip of the bitter cup helps us to more fully understand how much He loves us to have suffered so much for us. #becauseofhim #sharegoodness #ldsconf

Allowing some #Krylon acrylic matte spray to dry (keeps some of the charcoal where I would like it) and just loved the way the light illuminated shapes through the canvas. Since it's toxic the spraying & drying is always done outside, and I always love this stage of planning a painting. Something about setting it outside gives it a new life and I just love seeing pieces in an outdoors habitat for a moment.

William asked if he could help me draw on this one after he walked in to see me sketching with some vine charcoal. (It makes a distinct sound while drawing so I can empathize with his intrigue to use it!) At first he went for the eyes I had been working on 🙃 so I asked him to draw anywhere outside the circle and you can see how cool he made it! I told him that we would take a picture and that this was just the beginning that I would be painting over, and so his drawing might not stay. He was totally fine with that but the more I look at it, the more attached I am to his abstract addition 🤩 My original plan wasn't to make an #exquisitecorpse but maybe I should go with it.😅 Have you heard of exquisite corpse (drawing on one another's drawings) or perhaps played a version of it as a game? #AndreBreton started the idea for this drawing game with his fellow #surrealists. Have you ever made one?! It can be a serious work of art between colleagues or a simple game night challenge, both are fun, I highly recommend it ✨

First beginnings of the first painting in my new studio. First painting since Rosy was born 😳 It's been so long I've literally been craving painting. I'm so. ready. I always have so many ideas for painting while I'm nursing a baby. Overflowing with milk and creativity😂 I'll keep you posted on this one and reveal her identity in time. I wonder if anyone will be able to guess who she may be? Tip: it's not me, Alex saw it upside down and already asked.

I try to find words for this post I've been wanting to write all week. Rosy has been sick since Wednesday before last and it brings me back to this place. The place I was so often as a new mother carrying, cradling, bouncing, exhausted with William as an infant. So much love, so much carrying, so much need for carrying. They need to be carried. And so do we. This image comes to my mind in the still darkness of this room when I bounce my nearly 20lb babe swaddled and fevered and my back aching from years of bouncing her brother and now her, wondering how much I can really bare and "Can I really balance it all?" All of my hopes and dreams for me as well as for them? I think we can do it. Because I don't think we're ever really alone. Not truly alone. I type this with one hand holding my phone, and the other arm cradling Rosy. Bouncing. Because it's been six hours since her last Tylenol dose and she's just spit up the next dose so who knows how much pain relief she's getting. Here's to a good night. Carrying. Being carried. I love this girl with all my heart. This season will fly, I know it will and really, I wish it wouldn't. #RoslynAlexandra #tiffanysimmonsart #motherart #motherhood #COTFA #Matriarch